Zane: Are you going to have this same talk with Sawyer when he turns 10?
Me: No, I’ll probably talk to him soon because the books says to talk about these things at age 5–8.
Zane: Dad! Why didn’t you talk to ME about this when I was 7? I had WAY more questions about sex when I was 7.
Me: I’m sorry son! I didn’t know about the book until now, otherwise I would have!
In Korean families, most parents do not talk about sex with their kids. It’s too uncomfortable, too shameful. Kids therefore turn to their friends and learn the world’s version of it. I’m thankful for the ministry of Legacy Milestones. They have laid out a roadmap to help parents raise their children in the Lord. The roadmap is based on major milestones in a child’s life from birth to high school graduation. At each milestone, parents are encouraged to plan some kind of celebration to make lifelong memories. The milestone for 4th and 5th graders is to learn about God’s design for sex. This is something that I had dreaded before but thanks to the resources they recommended, it was so much easier.
For the 4th/5th grade milestone, they recommended planning a special parent-child trip. During that trip they could also talk about God’s design for sex. For my son Zane I decided to take him to Dollywood because he loves roller coasters.
I started reading the book for 10 years olds on sex to prepare for our talk. But to my surprise, as I was reading, the book assumed that I had already talked to my children about sex! So I went to the age 5–8 book and sure enough they describe the actual process of making babies. I was shocked at how early they were teaching kids about sexual intercourse. But when I read their reason for this it made more sense. They believe the first impression about sex will have the biggest impression. Thus they recommend parents to be preemptive, talk to them about it first not the world!
Our trip to Dollywood was going to be a 3 hour drive. So I decided that I would talk to him on the way there. I had given Zane a heads up about this talk before our trip by showing him the book we would talk about. He was very interested and kept asking questions but I told him to save it for our trip. I wasn’t sure when would be the right time to bring it up in the car ride but that was quickly fixed by Zane bringing it up. “Hey Dad, didn’t you say we were going to have a special talk about something?” I thought to myself “ok I guess here we go!”
So then I gave him the book “Before I was born” Age 5–8 and told him to read it aloud to me and we would talk about it. Sometimes he laughed at the pictures of naked babies. Sometimes he squirmed as he read the anatomical terms for our body parts such as penis, scrotum and vagina. He was simultaneously uncomfortable but so fascinated that he wanted to keep going. Thanks to the book, this conversation was also so much easier for me as a parent. The book touched all the important parts (no pun intended). It discussed body parts for boys/girls, body changes in puberty, God’s design for sex in marriage, how sexual intercourse happens (in an age appropriate way), and how babies are born. He asked a lot of questions and I encouraged him to do so. At one point he asked “So you and mommy had sex for me to be born? I replied yes. He then asked then does that mean you had sex 2 times so that Sawyer can be born?? I replied yes again. He just squealed and said “this is a lot to take in dad!”
We also talked about the dangers of sex. I tried to affirm again and again that sex is a good thing but that God’s plan is for it to be enjoyed within marriage. I told him it’s kind of like candy. It tastes really good but if you don’t control yourself and eat too much it could make you sick. I told him that before marriage we should try to run from sex. I asked him if he remember the story of Joseph and Potiphar’s wife. He said “Oh you mean when she tried to kiss him?” I then told him the REAL story that it wasn’t just kissing she was trying to do. He squealed again. I told him that just like Joseph we need to run from situations like that. He asked if anyone tried to do that to me. I said not in real life, but on my computer and phone many times. I told him sometimes I just have to run from my computer or phone because sexual pictures will come up that I may be tempted by.
He then asked me if I would do this book with Sawyer (his younger brother, age 7) when he turns 10. I said that I’ll probably talk about it pretty soon since the book calls for age 5–8. Zane then looked at me with alarming eyes and said “Dad, why didn’t you talk to me about this when I was 7? I had wayyyy more questions when I was 7!” I just laughed and apologized to him saying that it was because I didn’t know about this book. I also didn’t have roadmap to guide me. I didn’t know which topics should be talked about or at what ages.
We finished the conversation in less than an hour. We arrived to our destination of Dollywood 30min before the gates opened. I shelled out for the timesaver unlimited passes because I knew that for Zane the rides were most important. I kept a tally of our rides. I estimate that the timesaver pass enabled us to ride about 150% more rides than if we had stood in the regular line each time. We ate really well, and went on rides until the park closed at 9pm. Throughout the day Zane just kept randomly hugging me and thanking me for bringing him on this trip. I feel like Mary and will forever cherish this memory in my heart. Thank you Lord.
